Surrendering the Past Read online

  “How happy would they be knowing you sacrificed yourself to a madman?”

  Jane covered her flushed cheeks with her hands and wiped the tears now cascading down them. “But the scandal of a broken engagement would ruin all of us. He is not some country gentleman. Jilting a man that powerful will have great consequences. I will not bring that burden down on them.”

  “You will suffer it all alone?”

  “Yes.”

  “No. You will not.”

  “It is not your choice, Richard. This is my duty, my sacrifice to make.”

  “Damn it, Jane! Duty, sacrifice, honor—they can all be damned to hell with Litchfield, your mother and father, and anyone else who expects you lay yourself upon the altar of obligation and convenience. I have spent most of my life running from that man, and I will spend the rest of it keeping you safe from him, whether you like it or not.”

  Once again, he pulled her close, this time kissing her with all the fire he restrained before. His hands ran up her back and into her hair, dislodging the remaining pins, causing her locks to appear as wild as his own.

  Lifting her easily into his arms, he placed her back on the bed and settled over her, all the while enjoying the warmth of her acquiescence. Her heart might be torn over loyalty to her family, but her every touch and sigh told him that at least part of it was his.

  “It would be so easy to make love to you now, and I would take great satisfaction in telling him that I had made you mine before he had a chance to touch you, to corrupt your spirit and turn you into a vague shadow of who you should be. But I will not seduce you or manipulate you the way he would. It must be your choice not to marry him.”

  More tears streamed down her face as her voice cracked. “But I have no choice.”

  “You do.”

  He kissed her again, and she felt herself fading into him as he caressed her face and side as every slant of his mouth stole her breath.

  “Jane,” he whispered as his mouth hovered above hers. “You do have a choice. Marry me instead.”

  Chapter 14

  Jane sat at her dressing table, staring at the image reflected in the mirror as if it were a stranger. The dark circles under her eyes made her look wan and frighteningly lifeless. Previous nights, a pair of blue eyes had haunted her, but those dreams were far different than the ones that gave her such restless sleep the night before. This time, those blue eyes held fear and a dire warning that caused Jane to wake feeling chilled and alone.

  Surprisingly, she had been left to herself for the entire day after Richard left. Not even Amy attempted to disturb her. Instead, she left a note with a dinner tray outside her door. Though she wondered at her sister’s actions, she could only be grateful for the solitude. It seemed that time was at an end, however, as she heard a quiet knock on her door. Reluctantly, she answered.

  “Enter.”

  “Good morning, my dear.” Mrs. Carrington swept into the room as if she were on air, a stark contrast to the heaviness Jane felt. “How are you feeling?”

  “I am not well, Aunt.”

  “Hmm. I do not believe we will have much sunshine today, but you can at least get some fresh air.” She walked to the closet and pulled out a gown of nearly the same shade she herself was wearing, leaving Jane to wonder how many different people were going to dress her in the span of twenty-four hours.

  “I am not up for a journey outside, I am afraid.”

  “I insist, dear. Amy is staying in with the children this morning, so it will just be the two of us.”

  Jane nodded obediently, assuming she was going to be chastised thoroughly for being alone in her room with Richard the day before.

  “Good. Please be ready in twenty minutes. I will call for the carriage.”

  Jane did not question where they were going but was surprised when she saw they were headed into the center of London. Her aunt had said nothing of consequence on the way, only speaking about the children and the activities Jane had missed while in her room. Eventually, the carriage stopped, and they were assisted onto the pavement.

  “Now, this shall be a far more interesting walk than if we were in the park. We can study the people instead of the trees.”

  Jane walked in silence, allowing her aunt to chatter away as they looked into shop windows and stopped at the occasional cart selling various wares. Jane wondered how they could stand to be out in the cold for so long. She was already weary from the chill of the air.

  Ready to return home, Jane began to voice her desire to find the carriage when a loud shout sounded beside her followed by the crack of flesh striking more flesh. She moved out of the way just as a man hit the pavement beside her. More shouts sounded around her, and she found herself surrounded by crazed ruffians along with a sea of red coats, both on horseback and on the ground, attempting to tame the sudden madness.

  She screamed as more men circled her, each one striking another as the shouts and curses grew louder. In the chaos, she lost sight of her aunt and tried to run, but there was no break in the angry wall of men surrounding her. She screamed again when she felt a pair of hands grab her forearms, dragging her farther into the crowd. Now nearing hysteria, she pushed against the street as hard as she could, attempting to stop the momentum, but the cobblestones provided no support against the strong arms that had hold of her. She screamed and struggled, but it was no use. His strength was far greater than hers, and her fear increased with the pounding of her heart as she saw that he was dragging her to a carriage just on the other side of the fighting mob. She tried once more to break free, but he pulled her closer with one arm, and the other reached for the carriage door. He pushed her up the steps, and as she landed on the seat, she looked at him, surprised to see a familiar face in the torn clothes and hat.

  “Viscount Ashly?”

  He reached for her hand and squeezed it gently. “Forgive me, my dear. I know that frightened you.” He then turned and spoke to another passenger whom Jane had not noticed. “You know what to do?”

  Jane was further shocked by the voice that responded. “I do. Thank you, sir.”

  Wesley nodded. “Be safe.”

  Jane just stared as the door closed and the carriage abruptly took off. Eventually she found her voice, which was dry and full of wonder. “Amy?”

  “Oh, Jane!” Amy quickly moved to sit beside her and pulled her into an embrace. “Are you harmed at all?”

  “No, only very confused. What is happening?”

  “We are getting you out of London before Lord Litchfield returns.”

  Jane’s shoulders slumped as she placed her face in her hands. “The entire world is working against me, it seems. I told Richard yesterday that I am not running away from my promises.”

  “Yes, I know. That is why we have had to take extreme measures. Mr. Hale told me some horrible things about the earl. Jane, you cannot marry him.” She paused a moment and took Jane’s hands. “I am sorry, my dear sister, that you feel the need to give yourself to such a man, to any man, for my sake. I will not have it.”

  “Amy, it is too late. The announcements have been made. The banns have been read. Our family will be in worse shape if I do not go through with it now.”

  “Then so be it! I have been such a selfish, pitiful creature. I have followed your example and believed your every word simply because it was easier not to question your resolve. But I am not stupid, Jane. You are trying to preserve something that simply does not exist. I know you believe that Mama and Papa can be happy, but if they were capable of anything but misery, they would have accomplished it by now. They have left us to our own devices for many years, and it does not rest upon you to change them. Nothing will change them. Nothing will bring them peace because they welcome the chaos. They do not deserve your sacrifice, and I do not want it! I swear, Janie, if you marry him, you will see me hang because I will run him through before I see him harm you!”

  “Enough, Amy!” Sobs tore through her, making her barely coherent. “I cannot bear yo
ur distress, and I have not the strength to fight you. Please calm yourself.”

  “Dash it, Jane.” Her sister’s curse shocked Jane enough to momentarily stop crying. “Stop taking care of me. Here.” She pulled a small trunk from under the seat across from them and opened it. “I doubt you have eaten much today. Viscount Ashly made sure we had refreshments for our journey.”

  Amy carefully poured out small glasses of wine and unwrapped bread and cheese, making sure nothing spilled and that Jane ate what she considered to be enough.

  “Where are we going?”

  “Somewhere safe. Captain Granville and Viscount Ashly will explain everything when we get there. I believe the captain is already there waiting for us. Viscount Ashley is in the carriage ahead of us.”

  “Oh dear! I forgot all about Aunt Carrington. Oh, I hope she was not hurt in the disturbance.”

  Amy smiled. “She and our uncle are behind us. Forgive us, Jane, but it was all a deception. The mob was merely friends of Uncle Carrington and Viscount Ashly creating a distraction. We had to get you away without being seen by the men Lord Litchfield has watching you.”

  Jane sighed and leaned back in her seat. “I suppose I should be surprised by all of this, but I am too tired to give it the thought it deserves.”

  Amy removed the remnants of their meal and pulled rugs from beneath the seat. “Rest, Jane. Today’s journey is long, and we cannot stop until we reach our destination. I am afraid the one you have ahead is further still.”

  Too tired to protest, Jane allowed Amy’s ministrations and gradually fell into a restless sleep.

  Chapter 15

  “They should be here by now, should they not?”

  Richard paced the floor of the drawing room in an inn about a day’s drive from London. It was a popular spot for those travelling to Gretna Green, but Wesley had ensured their privacy by buying out the place and intimidating the owner into acquiescence. Richard was quickly learning that the future Earl of Litchfield could be as conniving and ruthless as the current one. He saw that the previous day when Carrington’s nephew fell easily into Wesley’s web, losing the estate his family had held for centuries in one afternoon of card playing.

  Richard had observed the coldness in his eyes. The menacing glare that landed on his opponent was nearly a mirror image of their father. If he had not known the kindness that rested beneath the façade, he would have been as frightened as the man who had just gambled away his life. Thankfully, the viscount had no intention of keeping the estate beyond their present use for it, but the younger Carrington had no idea what was in Wesley’s mind. His drunken threats reverberated from the walls as he stumbled into the street, but too many other poor souls were leaving the gaming house at the same time, with the same laments, for him to be taken seriously.

  “Try to calm yourself, Cousin. Your pacing will not get the carriages here any faster. I believe we have another hour yet before we should worry.”

  “I should tell the inn keeper to prepare a meal. They will be hungry, do you not think? Or maybe hot water for baths.”

  “Do whatever will make you feel better, Richard. I understand your worry, but Wesley and Mr. Carrington have made sure the ladies are well guarded. The weather has held all day, and Litchfield had not returned to London when we left. This is the easiest of all the steps we must take. If you continue to allow this anxiousness to overtake you, then you will not be able to complete the journey without making yourself and everyone else ill. Are you like this in battle?”

  Richard took a seat across from his cousin, though one leg continued to move anxiously. “No, I am not. I just worry… She did not agree to any of this. She could hate me for forcing her hand.”

  “Could you live with that?”

  “If she is safe, I suppose I can.”

  “But you would not like it?”

  Richard shook his head. “I proposed to her yesterday.”

  “Did she reject you?”

  “No, nor did she accept me. I will not force her to go to Scotland. But neither will I leave her. She may feel as if she has no choice but to marry me, and I would not have that.”

  After some moments of silence between them, a commotion was heard in the hall. They rose as the party they had waited for finally arrived. Wesley entered first and, seeing the look on Richard’s face, smiled slightly as he grabbed his shoulder.

  “All is well, Brother.”

  Richard said nothing but watched as each person entered the room until Jane was finally in view. He attempted to judge her state of mind but could tell nothing through the thick layer of fatigue that covered her. No one said anything, not knowing how to be polite in such a situation, until Amy finally was tactless enough to speak.

  “Forgive me, everyone, but I am far too tired after the events of the day to be good company. If we are to have a meal later, then I will join you. Until then, however, I feel I need to rest. If it is all right, I will ask the innkeeper to show me to my room.”

  “Of course, Miss Amy, I think it would be wise for all of us to seek an hour of solitude before supper.” Wesley offered her his arm. “Shall we all go and find our chambers?”

  One by one, they walked from the room, leaving Jane and Richard alone and staring at each other.

  “Jane.” Richard began but could not find more words. She seemed so fragile that anything more than a whisper would cause her to crumble. She drew a shuddered breath and closed the gap between them, laying her head on his chest and sighing as his arms wrapped around her.

  “Once again, my entire world is changing, and I am powerless to stop it. I have been the dutiful daughter for so long, I know not how to be a rebel. You must help me, Richard.”

  He smiled into her hair and pulled her even tighter against him. “And I expected you to teach me how to be still and rejoice in an ordinary life.”

  She lifted her head to look at him. “I cannot imagine life with you ever being ordinary.”

  He kissed her gently and then rested his head against hers. “I know you must feel as if you have no choice, but I am still asking you to choose me.”

  She slid her hands up his chest to his neck until her fingers tangled in his mass of dark curls. “If I had a thousand options before me, I would still choose you.” She raised herself up until her mouth joined his, each of them feeling that if they could just stay entwined, then nothing could ever harm them.

  * * *

  “Do you always keep your rooms so blasted hot, Blanchard. I feel as if I am being smothered.”

  Lord Blanchard lifted his eyebrows and adjusted the fireplace screen. “Did you ride all the way from your estate to check the temperature of my rooms, Litchfield?”

  “I came to enquire about your findings. Do you know who started the fire here?”

  “I do not. The servants could tell me nothing beyond how frightened they were.”

  “Was anyone harmed?”

  “No.”

  “Nor at my estate. It seems odd considering the scope of the disturbances that no one has a scratch on them.”

  “What are you thinking?”

  “If this was the act of a political rival as we first expected, I do not believe so much care would have been taken. This was all too deliberate. If someone were trying to send us a message, they would not care if anyone was hurt, so long as they carried their point.”

  Blanchard nodded. “What is it all about, then?”

  “I think someone wanted us away from London.”

  “Why?”

  “I know not, but we should return and find out.”

  Like any good sycophant, Blanchard was quick to agree. “Very well, I can be ready in another day or two.”

  “Tomorrow. We will depart before sunrise. I am most anxious to deal with whoever dared commit these acts. I only pray it is the one I suspect.”

  Chapter 16

  “The news of your scandalous flight from London should be in the papers this morning. Every soul in London will be talking about i
t—from the Prince Regent to the lowliest street urchin. Litchfield will be the most famous cuckold in England.”

  Wesley and Richard sat alone in the dining parlor. Neither had slept much, each going over the plan until every possible wrinkle was ironed out to their satisfaction.

  “He will retaliate.”

  “Yes, he will want to. But with every eye of the ton on him, he will not be able to do much. If anything happened to you or Jane, he would be the first one the magistrates suspect. Appearances mean too much to him to risk further conjecture. Besides, he will not know where you are. Of course, he will know you went to Gretna Green, but he will suspect you then to go to one of Julian’s properties. He knows nothing of the Carrington estate in Cumberland. Staying in a tenant’s cottage rather than the manor will give you additional privacy, with fewer servants to wonder who you are.”

  “It will be easy enough to find us once we do move into Julian’s estate.”

  “Are you sure you would not wish to remain in Cumberland? I know I said I would return the place to the younger Carrington, but the distance from Kent and London would be better for you and Jane.”

  “We will stay in Cumberland until it is safe to leave. I do not think Jane would want to live so far from her family.”

  “Julian’s estate is not very near Surry.”

  “No, but it is within fifty miles of his country residence. I suspect Jane will have family there before long.”

  “Ah. Welcome to the world on landed gentry, then.”

  Richard shook his head. “No, I only agreed to a lease. I would not ask him for such a gift, even if he does have spare estates at his disposal.”

  Wesley did not bother arguing, knowing how much pride it must have cost his brother even to take the lease agreement from Julian. Richard would have chosen to remain in the army, but he was putting Jane’s comfort first.

  “Well, Litchfield would have no reason to look at a tenant’s cottage on a small estate in Cumberland. For the time being, you will be safe, even if you do not have all the comforts to which you are accustomed. You must trust me to handle Litchfield. I know how his mind works.”